Needing a break!

I just dont understand why I have to give up things I want to do! ive got where im scared to go anywhere when my husband is home, I know i shouldnt be like that, but if somebodie calls me and he is here i dont go but im willing to go when he is at work! I know alot of people get mad when they call or ask me to go somewhere with them but i just cant help to stay here, Im scared if I leave I will come back to him drunk or have a bunch of people here! or not be here at all, it sucks having to be like this, everytime i say that I want to change it I never do, ive just been so stressed with bills and trying to find a job and everything else, I just want to scream, I guess im going to have to get out of this bc if I dont nobodie is going to want to do anything with me, SUCKS I know but i cant help it! if anybodie is out there reading this give me some advice, when i get over my allergys i will be making videos again, I hope anyway things have just been crazy! i want to make videos but just cant bring my self out of this depression stage but its got most to do with allergys they are not as bad as the other times but they are still bad, well i just think i need a break from all this and i have no way out, ive thought about going to the park but dang my allergys have got me down im just so blah that i just want to sleep, but im starting to feel a little better since ive been drinking water, ive been on the water diet for about 5 days and im liking it ive not drunk any sodas, ive been eatting the same foods but just smaller in the plate also what im going to do is start buying fruit and veggies(not in a can ) Im going to walk ive already started last weekend but i just want to make it an everyday thing, so that ive got it down ill keep my blog updated and let u know when ive started and got everything under control